Don’t Fight It

You know life is more than stress and anxiety. So many people worry over the littlest things. While one person may see struggle as inevitable, another may see it as avoidable. It’s all about individual  perspective.

When I first entered recovery for mental health, they taught us The Serenity Prayer. It took awhile, but I memorized that thing and held on to it for dear life. It really got me through the toughest years of my life and I still depend on it daily.

But, what happens when we fight against the things we cannot change? We literally send ourselves to an early grave. We indulge in things we know we shouldn’t. We react to situations from a place of emotion instead of rationale. We project our negative feelings unto others. We become stagnate, unable to move forward in life.

It took me awhile to accept my mental health for what it is. I had to realize that a bad day does not equal a bad life. I’ve been stable for the last six months, and though it feels strange not to experience mania or depression I have decided not to fight against my stability. To take each day as it comes. It will last however long it lasts. I am not nervously waiting for the other shoe to drop or the inevitable crash that depression can bring.

It’s strange. But, it’s the new me. Past mental health experiences do not define who I am today. I will not fight against whatever God is doing in my life. I thank him for my stability and I encourage my readers to do the same. Don’t fight against the things you cannot change.

Thank you for listening!!

R.I.P. Jarrid Wilson

https://time.com/5674636/megachurch-pastor-jarrid-wilson-dies-suicide/

Megachurch Pastor and Mental Health Advocate Jarrid Wilson Dies by Suicide (2019)

A California megachurch pastor who frequently spoke out on the issues of mental health and his own struggles with depression died on Monday by suicide at the age of 30.

Jarrid Wilson joined the Harvest Christian Fellowship church in Riverside, Calif. 18 months ago as an associate pastor, according to a statement from the church. The church has a congregation of 15,000.

“He was vibrant, positive, and was always serving and helping others,” the statement said. “He wanted to especially help those who were dealing with suicidal thoughts.”

“Sometimes people may think that as pastors or spiritual leaders we are somehow above the pain and struggles of everyday people,” the church’s senior pastor Greg Laurie wrote in a blog post mourning Wilson’s death on Tuesday. “We are the ones who are supposed to have all the answers. But we do not.”

Jarrid is survived by his wife Julianne and two sons, Denham and Finch.

Julianne shared an emotional tribute on Instagram, writing that her husband was a “loving, giving, kind-hearted, encouraging, handsome, hilarious, give the shirt [off] his back husband.”

“No more pain, my Jerry, no more struggle. You are made complete and you are finally free. Suicide and depression fed you the worst lies, but you knew the truth of Jesus and I know you’re by his side right this very second,” her post read.

Wilson and his wife were the founders of an outreach program called “Anthem of Hope,” which set out to help people dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts.

In a 2017 podcast interview with ChurchLeaders.com, Wilson cited the Bible’s Book of Job, arguing that “Some of God’s brightest saints dealt with the darkest of depression. What we have to understand is that just because you’re dealing with depression or suicidal thoughts does not mean you’re any less of a believer or a Christian than anybody else.” And in a column written a year later for the site, he wrestled further with scriptural precedent and the stigma many place upon suicide and suicidal thoughts or ideation. Such judgments, Harris wrote, “ill-thought and without proper biblical understanding… [they] obviously don’t understand the totality of mental health issues in today’s world, let alone understand the basic theology behind compassion and God’s all-consuming grace.” He continued:

Does God approve of suicide? Nope!
Does God view suicide as a bad thing? Yup!
Is God’s grace sufficient even for those who have committed suicide? Yup!

The day before his death, Wilson tweeted that faith couldn’t always be seen as a “cure” but added that it “doesn’t mean Jesus doesn’t offer us companionship and comfort. He ALWAYS does that.”

If you or someone you know may be contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. In emergencies, call 911, or seek care from a local hospital or mental health provider.

It’s Not Failure

I remember when I went to see a psychiatrist when I was 9 years old. I had been taken away from my mother and placed with my grandparents for a few months because of my mom’s alcoholism.

I remember being so fascinated by the tranquility of the office, the music was soothing, the office was peaceful and the psychiatrist was really nice and a great listener. Even though I don’t remember much else about those sessions I knew that is what I wanted to do when I became an adult. Help people work through their problems. Help them understand their childhood and their behavior and put them on the path to recovery.

The 1st time I went to school to pursue my degree I obtained a 3.5 gpa. But, I had to quit because I had no one to watch my children while my husband worked. The 2nd time I tried to go was after I got sick and the stress of it all sent me into mania/psychosis. Then I realized I couldn’t process math beyond algebra so I couldn’t get the needed math credits for the degree.

Talk about devastated 💔 my heart shattered because that’s all I ever wanted to be. I find it ironic that the very thing I thought was my professional calling is the very thing I struggle with daily = the brain.

It took me years to stop beating myself up about it. It took me even longer to accept the reality that God had other plans for my life. Some days are still tough and its hard to understand God’s plan.

But, ITS NOT FAILURE!!!! Sometimes, we just need to accept that God had a different plan for our lives and move forward knowing that one day we will walk in our calling and purpose. That everyone has one and we are all unique. You may not be in the profession you dreamed of. Your life may not have turned out the way you mapped it out. But, that does not make you a failure. Accepting the things we cannot change is a HUGE part of our recovery!!!!

So don’t beat yourself up about your failures and disappointments. Know that you are still talented, loved, ambitious etc. Don’t fret. Your breakthrough is coming!! 👍

Bipolar Gratitude

Hello readers. I pray you all are well and blessed! I’ve been taking it one day at a time. But, I’ve been experiencing a lot of unnecessary anxiety over minor things. My online church gave me the idea to create a daily focus word to keep us more grounded and I’ve been hearing the word: gratitude.

So what is gratitude? Gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. I think sometimes we are so focused on how big our problem is and we often feel like we are alone in the fight. Especially, mentally.

Gratitude can take us a long way. If we didn’t have the bad times how would we know how to appreciate the good? We should be grateful to God that we get to experience life on his terms no matter how painful. Gratitude helps us grow. It helps us to stay grounded and be thankful for everything we have. If we make a gratitude list, I wonder how long it would be? I bet we would discover things about our life we never knew we took for granted. We would discover that God is always in the midst of our situation and in the little things.

There is always something to be thankful for. Anyway, just sharing some late night thoughts! Have a blessed weekend.