Hello readers! Its been a minute. I hope your new year is bringing you tons of blessings and that you are well and blessed đ
I was thinking about all the creative geniuses that have suffered with bipolar disorder and I was wondering how they felt about creative mania. Take Vincent Van Gogh for instance, did he do his best work when he was manic or did he fight against it?đ¤ You know some people like the manic side of bipolar disorder.
So my question is what part of bipolar disorder would you keep if you could? Do you do better getting organized, are you in a happier mood, or do you feel more creative when you are manic etc?
I would say for me I can get things done faster. I feel like I can get multiple projects done simultaneously. I also experience waves of euphoria. All the typical stuff. But, I think I would prefer the middle part of the spectrum. I like my moods to be even kneeled. Mania just isn’t for me.
But, there is nothing wrong with people who love that side of themselves and really step into their creative side. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 9:10, ‘Whatever you find to do with your hands, do it with all your might, because there is neither work nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom in the grave, the place where you will eventually go.
So those are my thoughts for now.
P.S. Thank you all for reading my testimony below this post! Don’t forget about our Facebook group at the link above. God bless!
My Celebrate Recovery Testimony Presented: Oct. 9, 2019 The Makings of Me – Girl, Interrupted – The Story of Us – Colorado, here we come!! – Pandoraâs Box – Little Girl Lost – 35 and Beyond – Page 2 The Makings of Me: Hi. My name is Lakita and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with bipolar disorder and codependency. 2 Corinthians 9:13 tells us, It is proof of your faith. Many people may praise God because you obey the Good News of Christ-the gospel you say you believe-and because you freely share with them and all others. I am also a strong advocate for transparency and through it there is healing. There is peace.There is truth. My earliest memories begin when I was around 8 years old and for some strange reason I cannot remember anything that happened before that. Honestly, I donât think I would want to know even if I could remember. My best memories are illusions of a happy, healthy and normal life. I lived in barbie world inside my head. My reality was far from the fairytale. I was a timid child and I grew up in an era where children were seen and not heard and donât think about saying how you really feel. So I grew into a shell of a child. Very bitter and confused. My mom and step-father were functioning alcoholics. You see we were a normal family Monday through Friday. But, on the weekends hell would break loose. Arguing, fighting etc. My step-father would disappear for days on end and this only made things worse. I will never forget the phone call I received when I was ten. I was told my real father had died and I would be required to go to his funeral. I cried for three days with an excruciating migraine. My mother left him when I was two for my then step-father. I was not only sad that he had died. I was sad and mourning the relationship we âdidnât have. This left a massive hole in my heart and that hole just got bigger with each passing year. Fast forward to the age of 15âŚby this time my mother and step-father permanently separated and I was left to pick up the pieces. Luke 12:48 states, To whom much is given much is required. I felt like God hated me. Like he was far away and not interested in my life anyway. So why care about myself?? Around this time, I met my husband and at that time I was trying to be grown. I started drinking, smoking weed and dabbling in promiscuous better. I didnât even care how this behavior made me look or feel. I just knew God had surely given me too much responsibility and I had to be the grown up for me and my mother. Page 3 Girl, Interrupted: Being 15. What word would I use to describe myself during this time in my life?? Jezebel lol. I had mastered the art of seducing young men and didnât care about anyoneâs feelings. Everything was all about me. My mother was drinking heavily and her current boyfriend got her hooked on crack. So she was there in passing. I did my own thing. Then I met my husband. I was 15 and he was 23. I remember thinking, This time I really blew. There was no way my family would let me date a 23 year old man. But, two months later I was pregnant with our 1st daughter. So apparently, it was too late. After our daughter was born, we moved into a 2 bedroom apt. Life seemed to be going okay. I was a stay at home girlfriend and I felt like I was grown and didnât see the importance of finishing high school. I told myself I could always go back later on in life. My mother and I were not on good terms. I was barely talking to other family members. So who cared if I finished school anyway?? Here is where I started to experience the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Proverbs 3:5-7 says,Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. I wasnât trusting in God at all. I wasnât even trusting in myself or my husband. I was just going through the motions. Life became harder and harder and by the time I turned 27 I had 3 more daughters. We were very poor and the depression and trauma from my childhood was starting to rear its ugly head. I could no longer suppress my past. I knew something was definitely wrong with me. Inside I was dying and I had no idea how to fix it or find someone to help me. Plus, I was in denial about my mental health issues. â Step #1 tells us to, Realize I am not God, I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable. Page 4 The Story of Us: Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Little did I know at the time, you cannot control who you fall in love with. The day I told my husband I was pregnant I was 15 years old and scared to death. I was not at all expecting the response he gave me. He said, âWell I love you and we will figure it out. Iâm not going anywhere.â I was shocked and I was not ashamed to admit to him that I got pregnant on purpose. Our 1st daughter was born April 1996. She was the only good thing Iâd ever done and I finally felt like I mattered. I was still naive. I thought I could heal the hole in my heart from my horrible past by having a baby. So, even if my husband did leave at least Iâd have a baby who would love me forever. I felt worthless inside. I was scared. I remember asking myself, who would want to be tied down to a damaged 15-year old girl trying to be a woman with a baby?? Naturally, my family wasnât happy and threatened to get the law involved because I was a minor. I didnât care. In my heart I knew he was âthe one.â But, just like Jeremiah 29:11 says: God knows the plans he has for us⌠Of course by this time, I fell completely head over heels for him. When I looked up we were on baby #2, living in our own place and I was a high school drop out. Our 2nd daughter was born in Dec. 1998. My 2nd daughter was totally different than my 1st daughter. We noticed changes in her development when she was around 4 months old. Then when she turned 7 months and wasnât reaching those milestones that most babies reach, we took her to a specialist. We were told she had microcephaly which means âsmall brain.â It causes severe mental retardation. Spastic quadreplegia. Scoliosis. Inability to speak and round the clock care for the rest of her life. Inadequate isnât the word to describe the disappointment I felt in my heart. DIsappointment in myself. My daughter and my relationship. How did we have a daughter with these kinds of challenges when the 1st one came out fine?? What I learned most from Cede is patience. This was another lesson in â Principle #1 âŚIâll just call it â Powerless. Colorado, here we come!! Page 5 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 talks about âthe thorn in Paulâs fleshâ that he begged to have removed, but was given to him to keep him humble. Three times he pleaded with God. But, he refused to take it away. Instead he responded in verse 9 by saying, His Grace was Sufficient for him. My lowest point happened within the last ten years. I have been through so much and it was only by his grace that I am still here. But, of course, I didnât know that at the time. My mom was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2008. But, backing up a little bit in 2007 we moved to Colorado from Illinois to make a better life for my family. It was a hard adjustment and it took about six months for us to get on our feet. We were going to a good church. Were blessed with a beautiful home and we both had good jobs that we loved. Life was good until it wasnât⌠My 1st experience with infidelity started off as a harmless online conversation that resulted in a devastating emotional affair. Even with all my blessings I remember feeling empty and lost. I felt like I had a massive hole in my heart. Of course, my husband found out and this was also around the time he was diagnosed with a heart condition and lost his job. Its like I knew our perfect world was coming to an end. We had to move back to Illinois because we couldnât afford the cost of living. Again, I questioned God and my faith. I was literally angry with him and I also became very bitter. Upon our return to Illinois my motherâs cancer had come back and she lost the battle Dec. 22, 2009. She also had Hepatitis C. My blamed myself for putting her in a nursing home and that is where she passed. I mean what kind of daughter does that to a mother who did her best to raise and love them?? After this I became and complete zombie. Sleeping for days and stuck in bed for weeks at a time. I had given up on life. In March 2010 I was diagnosed with Bipolar I, general anxiety and severe insomnia. Meanwhile, I discovered a site called Adultspace, which is the XXX version of MySpace. Again, I found myself getting attached to a guy. This one was from Ny and it became sexual and ended with me sending him $5,000 in cash over 4 years. He literally âinternet pimpedâ me. He was a narcissist. I was codependent. Bad combination!! Little Girl Lost: Page 6 So how did I end up in recover?? I finally realized (as stated in Principle #1) that I couldnât control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life had become unmanageable. Notice how I kept coming back to step #1?? In 2013 and I had my 1st mental break. As a result I was arrested for disturbing the peace by repeatedly calling 911 and given a $100 fine. When I came to I woke up at Touchette on a 5 day psych hold. I also remember a lot of ativan and taking off all my clothes. My diagnosis was upgraded to Bipolar I with psychotic features. In two years time Iâd had 4x hospitalizations. I also became addicted to alcohol and sleeping pills. I was a living wreck!! During my 1st psychotic episode I met a very good friend who referred me to Grow and Celebrate Recovery. I remember thinking, âwhy notâ?? My life wasnât going anywhere and I could no longer continue the path I was on. I can honestly say Celebrate Recovery changed my life. I attended for one full year and found an accountability partner and sponsor. I wonât say my journey was easy and I donât really remember how many times I relapsed. But, I stuck with it, worked the steps and joined a Step Study with my sponsor. I was very naive back then. I thought that if I did a step study, attended every Friday and worked the steps that I would âmagicallyâ be cured. I was not entirely ready for God to remove my character defects and even though I was no longer cheating or drinking, my past continued to follow me. I was still stuck and lost. Now I felt my relationship with Jesus Christ had grownâŚbut I had not. This resulted in 4 years of going around in circles like the Israelites stuck in the wilderness for 40 years. â I was getting nowhereâŚfast!! I was smart enough to know there was more to life than this, but I didnât know how to change it. Working the program helped me to have hope in Jesus. Hope is friendship. Hope in love. Hope in my family and a desire to live life to the fullest. There had to be more to life than misery and I was determined to be happy. If not for me, then certainly for my 4 daughters!! The step that stuck out of me was Step #8 which states, âYield myself to God to be used to bring this Good News to others, both by my example and by my words.â I vowed to carry this hopeful and healing message to others and to practice these principles in everything I did. What I like most about Celebrate Recovery is that you can work the steps at your own pace and go back to them if you need to. 39 and Beyond: Page 7 Today, I have 60 days clean and sober from alcohol and chemical addiction. I have completed my 2nd step study with our Celebrate Recovery womenâs leader Chrissy and I was recently asked to be an accountability partner and sponsor. Life for me is starting to look up. I have a beautiful family and 3 grandsons to motivate me to continue to try and allow God to walk with me every step of the way. Now donât get me wrong, everyday is not gumdrops and lollipops. But, the episodes are getting fewer and fewer. I constantly take inventory and admit when I am wrong and I reach out to my support team for help. The changes God has made in my relationship with others is exercising forgiveness and transparency. Everyday I am growing and accepting myself for who I am, which allows to be more relatable and humble. My goal is to one day open a Celebrate Recovery Community Center in the Belleville area. The areas of my life that are gone is self-medicating. I no longer try to sleep my problems away or numb the pain with alcohol. I am learning how to feel each emotion and see it for what it is. I have a new therapist and we are working on mindfulness. I am actually excited for the holidays. I look forward to a new season of change. My walk with God has changed with my prayer life. I talk to God in the car and a couple times I even fell asleep talking to him. I read my daily devotional and I try to attend church as often as I can. The benefit I have received in working the program is true friendship and learning how to trust. The encouragement I can give to a newcomer is to stick with it and keep pushing!! There are times you are going to feel like giving up. There are times when you feel like no one will understand. There are times when you feel isolated and alone. Thatâs when you reach out to the people you connect with and people who have your best interest at heart. You also need someone in your life whoâs going to tell you the truth and hurt your feelings a little bit. My trusted friend and sister always says, âYou have to have the will to get well.â In my recovery I learn something new everyday. No one has all the answers. Finally,I realize I am â NOT God and only he has the power to help me recover.
Remember, there is hope at the end of the tunnel. There is hope in Celebrate Recovery. There is hope in Jesus Christ.
Just thought I’d drop by and give my followers an update on my life and what’s been going on with me. I’ve been praying for revelation on my purpose and how I can contribute to the world. I know that one of my purposes is to be a good caretaker for my special needs daughter, as well as a good wife and mother to my family.
However, I get the feeling there is more in store for me. Maybe I haven’t discovered it, or God will reveal it in his perfect timing. I would love to finish my memoir. But, because of my memory loss issues I’m having problems remembering my past years and the alot of the details of my mental health challenges. It feels like a jumbled jigsaw puzzle. Frustrating to say the least…
But, in the meantime I do alot of adult coloring and reading. My Bible and prayer journal are still very much a part of my life. But, it can be triggering if I take in too much information. So it’s just one day at a time for me.
I pray that all is well with you as we enter the final quarter of 2025 and that you are blessed beyond measure đ
A 28-year-old man in the Netherlands has opted to end his life with euthanasia rather than continue living with mental illness.
Joseph Awuah-Darko, a British-Ghanaian artist, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has documented his decades-long battle with mental health on social media. After failed treatments and no relief, he announced in an emotional Instagram video that heâs decided to end his life. He is waiting for approval, which could take up to four years.
âHi,â he said in the video, posted in December. âIâm Joseph, I am bipolar and I moved to the Netherlands to legally end my life.â
Bipolar disorder is a manic-depressive illness of the brain that causes extreme changes in mood and energy levels, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. There are four basic types of the disorder, which are characterized by periods of elation and hyper-activity known as manic episodes, which are then followed by depressive stages where the patient experiences feelings of sadness and depression.
Patients will often experience intense emotions as well as disruption to sleep patterns and their ability to think clearly. These periods can last for an extended time â days or even weeks â with no clear way of predicting when one period will end and another will begin. This can cause patients to have difficulty at work, school or maintaining their relationships.
In the Instagram video, Awuah-Darko said he wakes up every day in âsevere pain,â which led him to opt for a medically assisted death. He spent five years contemplating the decision before filing an official request with the Euthanasia Expert Centre in the Netherlands.
“I am not saying that life (as a phenomenon) isnât worth living. It ABSOLUTELY is. What I am saying is that the mental weight of MINE has become entirely unbearable. đ,â he wrote in the caption. âI am NOT special, like many people in their 20s; the constant burnout, the burden of debt, paralysing depression, violent media cycle and the dystopian reality of AI âŚall weigh heavy. The reality I face of being bipolar exacerbates all this.â
Now more than ever, the possibility of being humanely put to rest with dignity matters,â he added. âIâm ready to go home.â¤ď¸â
With its passing, the Netherlands became the first country in the world to make euthanasia legal, per BBC News. The country’s official government website states that the procedure is performed by a physician who administers “a fatal dose of a suitable drug to the patient on his or her express request.”
âThere is a dignity attached to doing it this way, with as much closure, patience and understanding in knowing that you will not have to be discovered lifeless by somebody else, not a train conductor, not your sibling, not your friends,â Awuah-Darko told the U.K. newspaper The Times. âYou will have a non-violent end to your life with medical assistance, with support, with closure for those who love you.â
After sharing his story publicly, Awuah-Darko received responses with mixed emotions â those who respected his decision, those with pleas to change his mind and those who claimed he was âglorifyingâ suicide.
Additionally, he received more than 100 messages from strangers inviting him to have dinner with them. It quickly inspired him to launch a worldwide dinner tour, calling it âThe Last Supper Project.â He plans on traveling and having a number of meals with strangers while he waits for approval on his request for euthanasia on grounds of mental suffering.
So far, Awuah-Darko has traveled to Paris, Milan, Brussels, and Berlin for 57 dinners, which heâs documented on social media. He has over 120 more dinners planned through August.
I have such an emotional relationship with food from memories of my motherâs sautĂŠed onions and jollof rice, having fantastic prosciutto in Venice, to remarkable meat in Argentina when I used to go watch my father play polo,â Awuah-Darko told the outlet. âI thought, âAs I work with this non-violent transition in my life, why donât I connect with people to break bread?â “
âI find that I quite literally was made to interact with people this way. Itâs such a beautiful, organic part of my life. It doesnât feel difficult,â he continued. âI enjoy decentering myself from my life and being a part of other peopleâs during dinner. I do find great fulfillment in connecting with people this way.â
Despite how uplifted he feels through âThe Last Supper Project,â Awuah-Darko still shares raw videos of how much he still struggles with his bipolar disorder. While he appreciates the sense of community from the dinners, he said he feels neither better nor worse.
âI still do wake up with breathing, really profound pain attached to my bipolar disorder. Thereâs a huge amount of ambivalence,â he told The Times. âI hope that [people with chronic mental illness] feel seen through my existence and my decision to live as authentically as possible. If I end up doing this for the rest of my life, I wouldnât be upset.â
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Bipolar Christian Support 